The Mysterious Carvings From 4,000 BC

Somewhere outside of San Augistin

Brian, Kara and I decided to go check out the carvings. We decided we would visit two of the sites: Chikira and El Tablon. The carvings are quite mysterious. It was a hot day so I was sure to bring plenty of earthy water that I got from the hostel. The trail was quite muddy as it had rained the night before. It only took about 2 and a half hours until we began to approach the Chikira site on the side of the hill. I can see why the people chose this spot. It is a perfect spot for the carvings because it is on the edge of a cliff facing a meandering river in the valley and there are a few waterfalls across the way escaping from the cracks in the rocks. Now let me give you a detailed description of the carv... “Oh hello!“

mmmmm earthy water

Some friendly Colombian teenagers approached us. They were carrying delicious fruit! They gave one to Kara and I asked for one. I held the fruit and inspected. Aha! Round shaped. Just as I suspected. I cant recollect the name of the fruit. I grasped it firmly in my hand pushed it towards my mouth. I bit in. Sweet and sour flavours salsa danced across my pallette. I chewed and swalled. How kind of these people. I wonder where they got this fruit? Kara suggested the ground. As she told me that I held up the other half of the fruit and spied something mysterious. Maggots! In the fruit! Oh my...Had I just eaten a biteful of maggots? I tossed the fruit into the dirt and spat whatever remnants were left in my mouth. The Colombians giggled. This is when it began. I began to feel strange. I could feel the bugs wriggling throughout my body. I looked down at my arms and could see them moving under my skin. My arms began to turn a purple color. I fell to the ground. The others quickly propped me up against a rock and gave me water. It didnt go down. How am I going to get to a doctor? It was at that moment that the spirits of Chikirah must have heard me. A masked man came galloping to the edge of the cliff and scooped up my body. He put me over the back of the horse and rode away. I awoke to bright lights in the hospital. I was being pushed on a gurney. The doctors spoke rapidly in Spanish. If only I had listened during my 2 hour Spanish class the week before. They pushed me into a spacious oval room with many machines running. They passed off my medical chart.

“¿Esta tentaculo?“ asked the new doctor.
“Si.“ replied the old doctor.

Tentaculo? I know THAT word. I know it from the seafood restaurant I went to. Why the hell would they be talking about tentacles? They propped me up in a bed and strapped me in. My arms were numb now and were completely purple. My legs also felt strange. They pulled off my boots and my legs split into fours.

I gasped and began to panic.
“What! What the hell is going on!?“
“Silencio hombre.“ replied the doctor as he stuck a needle in me.

My legs were now tentacles. This is what they had been talking about. They lifted one of my tentacles and brought over a plate of glass. A Garfield plush toy with suction cups was stuck to it. They grabbed my tentacle and threw it against the glass beside it. It stuck. The doctors scribbled in their books.

“Bueno, bueno bueno...“ they all muttered.
“En agua por noche!“

What? In water? What in water? They lifted me with some sort of machine and lowered me into a tank of water. I have never felt so buoyant. They then left the room and shut off the lights. That night I dreamt of fish. What the hell is all of this? I just wanted a normal trip. I awoke hungry the next morning. Some military-type people entered my room. A man who spoke English approached me.

“The president would like to speak with you.“

I didnt have a choice and so I nodded. He entered the room.

“Ahhh Tentaculo Canadian. I had to see it to believe it.“
“Shouldnt you be running your re-election campaign?“ I asked.
“No. I have governed for 2 terms. Now I will leave all that is political.“
“Thats a little far-fetched of a story.“ I replied.

The president picked up a medical pole and poked one of my tentacles with it. My tentacle grabbed the pole and snapped it with ease.

“This might be the right investment.“ he said to himself.

This angered me.

“You cant keep people locked up like this! Poking your stick in when you please. I must be free!“

With that my tentacles shattered the glass tank and I made a break for the door. I barelled over the president and the medical staff. I was out of the room. A hall full of military men stood in my way. They swung their batons. I swung my tentacles. I crawled over their unconscious bodies and burst through the front door.
Where was I? There were no other buildings. I was in the middle of nowhere. In front of me I spotted a cliff and I could almost hear and smell the sea. At this point the president and his guards had caught up behind me. I raced along the grass towards the edge of the cliff.

“Stop!“

I turned around.

“We could make millions. You can have whatever you want.“ offered the president.
“Why? So you can secure your cocaine trade profits by using un-detectable tentacle people as drug mules?“ I asked. “Just wait a minute.“ he pleaded.

I shook my head.

“No, I belong in the sea.“

And with that I dove off the cliff plunging into the deep waters below. A calm breeze blew over the ocean that afternoon. It was oddly silent. It was heard from a sailor that he saw a large tentacle stick out of the water and then at sunset...


This is probably what would have happened had I eaten the maggot half of the fruit. Oh, and the carvings at Chikirah and El Tablon are mysterious. Nothing is really known about them.