The Skipping Record and How to Shrink a Human Head

``I don`t feel so well``

I´m not going to go into detail about the bowel infection I had in Quito but Quito turned out to be my skipping record. I slinked around Quito for 6 days with low-energy not really being able to do anything. It was the same thing everyday.

``Sounds like some sort of shitty movie``

But alas, the record stopped skipping and I was able to go to Mitad Del Mundo (the equator line). The equator line seemed to sort things out for me. It must have been all the bogus experiments they showed me and the shrunken head. I was giddy.

This equator line is not to be confused with the faux equator line 10 minutes away. The faux equator line was discovered by the French. I believe it was Naploean and Gérard Depardieu, that French guy from the movie Green Card, who flew down in a helicopter and discovered the faux equator. Anyways, the faux equator line was off by quite a bit so they decided to build a giant amusement park around it. If you take a bus or taxi to Mitad Del Mundo they will drop you off at the French equator line. 10 minutes away GPS discovered the real equator line (the one I went to).

(Super healing equator powers!)

I watched in awe as the tour guide manipulated the water basin to spin counter-clockwise north of the equator and clockwise to the south (the coriolis effect: only applies to large bodies such as hurricanes). Impressive! What other tricks do you have? She insisted that because of the gravitational pull at the equator that you cannot walk with your eyes closed along the equator line. She`s good. Other notable tricks included balancing an egg and prying open fingers.

It was all good. The best part was when they showed me the shrunken head. They also told me how to shrink a head which I will now teach you!

Shrinking Heads 101

1)Pick out a family member or enemies head (this will determine what you will do with it later)

2)Start cutting off the head (best to do this after they are dead)

3)Cut carefully...careful!

4)Empty contents of the inside leaving only the skin

5)Hang head over shoulder like a murse

6)Begin boiling in secret ingredients

7)....

Wait...what! What secret ingredients?? The tour guide told us that the ingredients are no longer known and that if they were known Ecuadorians would go on a head-shrinking frienzy. Damn. Oh well. I guess I will just try and find a head thats all ready shrunken at a market in Cusco or La Paz.

C`est la vie.

(dont forget your shrunken sloth head: great for coffee tables or as a stocking stuffer)